Since Dan received his diagnosis in early March, I have begun the laborious process of trying to get our mortgage modified through CHASE.  It has been a test of sheer patience, stamina and faith.  All of which are faltering now.

I know that we are two of many out there who need help and are applying for it.  I know that it is incumbent upon me to be diligent in getting paperwork out to them.  I feel as though even after doing what was asked, we are being stonewalled by a company that posted record profits last year.  If we can’t get this mortgage modified, we will not be able to stay in our home.  How hard will it be to move a family of three with three animals to an apartment, when the husband can’t work and the wife is currently home caring for him?  I am not sure we are the picture of the tenants anyone would want after looking at us on paper.

I am horrified by the help I have had to pursue in the past two plus years since Dan lost his full time job.  They say” pride goeth before a fall”, and boy did I fall hard!  I learned a lot about myself in the process and hopefully it has made me a more compassionate person.

 I had to apply at one time for Food Stamps.  We had them for three months, and it taught me to not judge others who I have seen using them in the past.  No one knows what they are going through.  My youngest daughter applied for and received Medicaid, although Dan and I do not qualify due to the disability insurance amount.  I have learned to navigate the prescription maze in trying to get our medicines at a reasonable cost without insurance.  I have also put off going to the doctor on matters that normally would have sent me to the office to be seen.

  I have accepted financial help from family and friends as graciously as I can, and it has taught me that I can’t always be the one to help people, sometimes I need the help.

  I suppose this is all in preparation for what lies ahead with Dan’s illness.  I will continue to accept what I need to keep my family in our home and safe. I am just feeling disheartened by a system with our mortgager that has been so difficult to complete with rules that are constantly changing.  I am tired of the stress and it has kept me from doing other things in my life that I need to focus on.

  Dan has been great, by the way through all of this.  Very steady, helpful and willing to let me vent when I need to.  I am grateful for him every day.  Even with this disease looming above us, we make a great team.  I wouldn’t trade my life with him for anything.